Battle Symphony

It's been a while since the last post in my blog. And for that I apologize. I've been so unproductive lately. It's just that I have nothing to share with you guys. Things have been little busy and hard in the real world.


Today is just as same as those days. I'm not going to lie, days have been really tough and painful. I've been looking for help but every help I received didn't work for me. When I'm alone in silence, screaming chaos threatens to erupt in my mind. It's very suffocating guys. I swear, everytime I'm on my way home even though I'm crowded with people at the train I feel so alone. It felt like I'm the only one person in the train. I'm very absent-minded. I don't know where to go, what to do, who do I want to be by my side. I'm not sure with everything. SOBRANG LUNGKOT.


I'm not really sure where it all started. Don't ask me please.


 Two weeks ago I started not eating lunch and dinner. I was so happy because I am finally following my diet plan. I didn't find it hard to diet like the old times (yes, I'm having a hard time on doing my diet) but this time, it's easy! Little that I know that it's a sign that I'm experiencing depression.


It feels like I'm not myself anymore. I'm fighting this feeling, believe me. I don't want to be that suicidal kind. I'm only 25 years old and there is still more to life. I'm looking for the courage to face it. I seek for God. I asked Him to hug me, help me. I want to become myself again, the cheerful one. But it feels that I have no control on my own body anymore. It doesn't get better. Naiiyak na lang ako bago ako matulog sa gabi.


Help me.