Missing You

Few days after new year's celebration last 2017, I lost someone really special to me - my grandma.

They say it gets easier as time goes by. No, it is still fresh. I think about that everyday, almost every single day. From being at work getting that text message. Rushing back to the house and being there only to receive the worst news I've ever received in my life. I will never forget arriving and just seeing her lifeless pale body lying there. Everyone was broken. The entire family in one room, broken.

I'd never lost someone so important in my life so I had never really experienced grief before. It has been an intense, eye-opening journey. And you don't really know yourself and the depth of humanity until you've lost someone you love. I literally grow up with my lola. So how do you let go of the person who has stood by your side for half of your entire life? The one who taught me about life, love and to be a woman I am today.

Since January 23rd, life has been very different without her. I've never imagined life without my grandma. Even though I know she was getting older but in my eyes, she has always been a strong woman. I am pretty sure I told myself she would be here forever. But FOREVER ended too soon and unfortunately, it was unexpectedly as well.



It's been 2 years but not a day that goes by that I didn't think of her. I felt a void inside me that I know would forever be there.

Tears were unending.
I was in a fog.

Knowing I would never see my lola again, never talked with her on the phone, never again hear one of her memories, hurt more than words or hugs could comfort.

I learned that grief takes time. Lots of time.

Losing a loved one is never easy. Life maybe different now, but love is there. I think that's all we need. We all need to surround ourselves with love and be with those we care for every chance we get.

I was blessed to have my grandma for as long as I did. Selfishly, I wish it was longer. Cherish the time you have with your loved ones, it may your parents, siblings, girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband or kids. Because tomorrow is never promised.